


In My Memories

by xingnini



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Sports, Amnesia, Angst, Fluff, Football | Soccer, High School, Injury, M/M, Major Character Injury, Romance, Sports, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-30
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-21 16:45:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11948406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xingnini/pseuds/xingnini
Summary: — remember?— no.





	In My Memories

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: But the memories won’t seem to let me go // It's sad when the person who gave you the best memories becomes a memory.

_ “He’s going! He’s going! He’s got the ball! He’s running toward the goal aaaaaand… Luhan scores another goal!!”  _ The announcer on the TV could be heard shouting. 

 

Sehun runs in from the kitchen, apron on and all, to the front of the TV. His running is a little offbeat and it’s more like galloping, but he gets to the TV nonetheless. He looks at the score: 2-1. The clock timer reaches 0:00.00 and South Korea wins against Russia in the World Cup semi-finals. 

 

_ Wow. Korea is going to the finals because of Luhan.   _

 

“WOOOOOOO!!!! YESSS!!” Sehun shouted and did a little victory dance. He could not feel any prouder of Luhan. He was always proud of Luhan. There has never been a moment when he wasn’t.

 

After some commercials about cars and beer and all that World Cup sponsor stuff, the game came back on and Sehun watched as an interviewer went up to Luhan to ask him some after-game questions. 90% of the time, Luhan was the player chosen to be interviewed.

 

“Luhan, congratulations! How did scoring that last goal feel?” The interviewer pushed the microphone towards Luhan for an answer.

 

“Unbelievable. But I could not have done it without the help of my teammates!” Luhan — always so humble and thoughtful of his teammates. 

 

“Your team is advancing to the finals! They probably couldn’t have done it if you played on China’s team.” 

 

“Although I am regretful I cannot play on the team of the country I was born in, I am glad I worked harder to play the sport I love. Work hard and achieve your dream!!” Luhan shouted, pointing out to the audience in the stand. Sehun could hear the cheering get louder as Luhan smiled at his fans. 

 

“Yes, yes,” the interviewer agreed. “Everyone is glad you recovered quickly from last year’s incident. It must have been hard getting back up on your feet, right?”

 

“Of course, but I’m okay now. I don’t like to think about the injury, but I couldn’t have done it without the support of friends and family. As long as I get to play!” Luhan chuckled gleefully at the interviewer.

 

“It’s good to have you play for this season. Good luck to you and your team in the finals!”

 

“Thank you!” Luhan waved to the crowd, acknowledging their cheers and turned back to his team’s soccer bench. The camera showed Luhan gathering his warm-up suit and sweatpants in his bag and patting fellow teammate Minseok on the back before shifting to the news on the weather. 

 

Sehun stared at the TV blankly. It wasn’t interesting if it didn’t have Luhan on it. Sehun wanted to see Luhan so badly. It’s been a long time. 

 

 

“Maknae, pass the ball here!!” Baekhyun yelled, raising his arm and waving it like a madman. “Pass it, pass it, pass it!! I’m open!!”

 

Little Sehun kicked the ball — a perfect pass — straight to where Baekhyun was and Baekhyun kicked the ball in between the goal the boys had set up. Chanyeol wasn’t guarding the goal. 

 

“Woohoo!!” Sehun and Baekhyun high-fived each other. “Nice pass!” 

 

“Chanyeol, what the heck!! Stay in your position!!” Minseok yelled at him. “They got the point!!” 

 

“Well, sorry we have one less player!!” Chanyeol shouted back. “Guys, this isn’t fair. Why can’t I be on the team with the three players?” He whined. 

 

Sehun looked at Chanyeol and was about to shake his head, but he peered past his shoulder and saw a little boy sitting on the swings alone. He looked at his other friends who were now huddled in a group, fighting over newly made teams — Chanyeol who skittered away from Sehun’s view was now trying to drag Joonmyun away from Baekhyun.

 

Sehun ran over to the little boy, who looked up when Sehun’s shadow was cast over him. “The boy had wide, innocent eyes that Sehun was frightened he would scare away if he didn't try to sound as friendly as possible. The boy's face made him look younger than Sehun was. "Hi! I'm Sehun, but all my hyungs call me maknae. What’s your name?” Sehun asked the boy.

  
“Lu… Luhan…” the boy replied back with uncertainty. “Hello?” His accent was starting to become more evident. This boy wasn’t Korean. 

 

“Your name doesn’t sound Korean. Hm, how old are you?” 

 

“9...” 

 

“Wah, I’m 5. But you can come play! Even though you are older than me, I think I’m good at soccer!! Wait, Minseok-hyung is the same age as you… that’s even better!!” Sehun grabbed Luhan’s hand and pulled him towards his friends.

 

“Guys, I want you to meet Luhan!!" Sehun shouted as his friends looked up from their argument. 

 

Chanyeol's dismayed face brightened up immediately. "This is great! We can have even teams now!! Let’s go play! Let's go play!!" He shouted as he took Baekhyun and Joonmyun by the wrists and started dragging them towards where they last left the ball.

 

"I... Don't know how to play..." Luhan said under his breath, but loud enough for all of them to hear.

 

Sehun ignored the 'Aw, man!! Maknae!!!' from Chanyeol and smiled up at Luhan. "It's ok!! We can teach you!! We play a lot!! Me, you, and Minseok-hyung can be one team.” Sehun introduced Luhan to Baekhyun, Minseok, Chanyeol, and Joonmyun before they played the game.

 

Sehun taught Luhan how to kick the ball correctly with the side of his foot instead of the front with his toes. Sehun taught Luhan how to dribble the ball. Sehun passed the ball to Luhan whenever he was open. Sehun high-fived Luhan when he passed it correctly to Minseok. And Sehun ran up and hugged Luhan when he dribbled past Chanyeol and got his first goal. 

 

 

"Sehun, what does ‘Maknae’ mean?"

 

Sehun was taken aback by the question. "Wow, hyung, you mean all these years you didn't understand what the others called me?! You at least know hyung means older brother, right?" 

 

"Of course I knew that, Minseok told me that like a year ago!! But I don't know, I prefer calling you Sehun, so I never got around to asking what it meant..." 

 

"Ah, okay! Just keep calling me Sehun then! Since you're special, I'll let you do just that! But the other calls me maknae because I'm the youngest in the group."

 

"Ohh," Luhan understood. “Yeah, now every time I hear the word ‘Maknae’, I will make sure to think of Sehun automatically. But I still like calling you by your name a lot better.”

 

Sehun smiled at his friend and turned from his side onto his back to look straight up at the sky. They were lying down on one of the grassy hills in the park on a fine breezy spring day, watching as the clouds passed by, being slowly blown away by the wind. They could stay still like this forever; it was a nice and calming sight, being beside each other was nice and peaceful company.

 

“Hey, Luhan-hyung. How come you moved from China to here?”   
  


The doe-eyed boy shrugged his shoulders. “I dunno, my parents just brought me here. I didn’t really ask. Probably something to do with their jobs.” Pause. A glint in his eye. A playful smile. “Why, you want me to go back to China? I’ll go if you want.” 

 

Sehun turned back to Luhan with panic and shock in his eyes, almost shooting up to sit with protest. “No!!!!! You have to stay!!! I’m glad you moved here, because I get to play soccer with you!!” 

 

“You little brat, you only want me here to play soccer with you? You have Minseok, Chanyeol, Baekhyun, and Joonmyun for that!!” 

 

“No, not only that!! You’re my best friend, too! You get bubble tea with me, and you helped me write a poem about milk for school!” Sehun beamed at his best friend. 

 

"Dummy, that poem was a joke!! I can't believe you still submitted that in!!”

 

"But I love that poem since we wrote it together!!"

 

Luhan took that in for a moment. It’s been two years since he came to Korea, and Sehun has done nothing but welcome him and love him. Sehun will always be first to Luhan, because he was the first one to walk up to him when he was alone on the swing set; had he not, Luhan would not have met the amazing people he had become friends with. 

 

Luhan did not care that Sehun was three years younger than him, in fact, it just made him want to protect him more. Luhan's young mind told him he wanted to do everything with Sehun; a poem could be included in that list of everything.

 

"Next time, we can write a better poem together, one not about milk. It would be a poem not assigned from school and you won’t have to submit it to the teacher," he vowed. 

 

Sehun smiled a smile that could stretch across ten thousand soccer fields.

 

 

Sehun took his bowl of pasta and sat down on the kitchen table. The table that had only one seat. A table that would never need another chair. Sehun could feel he'll never feel the same way about another person, as he had for Luhan.

 

Meeting Luhan at five years old had molded a path for the way Sehun’s life was going to go, or at least the way he thought it was going to go. However, he knew for sure that the memories he had kept and treasured had engraved Sehun’s feelings forever into his heart, knowing his love for Luhan will never change, even if Luhan wasn’t beside him. 

 

But it still hurt, knowing his favorite elder didn’t remember him. Memories were replaced with new ones for Luhan, but Sehun was left with scars while he was left to reminiscence everything that was supposed to be shared with Luhan. It was a weight he carried for about a year, but now he was determined to make things right. 

 

After eating his dinner and washing the dishes, Sehun sat down on the couch and turned on his iPad. Looking through the news, he saw Luhan’s name on the sports headline section already:   
  


“ **Chinese Soccer Player Lu Han Brings**

**South Korea To The World Cup Finals”**

 

Luhan was getting so much hate for playing on the South Korean football team. China loathed South Korea when it came to soccer, because of their constant loss no matter how many times they went against each other, so imagine how much contempt Luhan’s home country must feel against the boy. Especially when he is the chief constituent to this year’s South Korean soccer match victories. While people in Korea love the boy, his own family must be thinking _ ‘Dishonor, dishonor, dishonor!!’  _

 

But what could he do about it? He used to be by Luhan’s side, comforting him about anything and everything, but now things were different; too many people no longer allowed it. Sehun eventually learned to agree with them. Ironic how he once comforted Luhan about a plot twist in his favorite drama, and he can't even comfort him about something as big as a whole country hating him.

 

Sehun spotted his favorite soccer ball on the living room bookcase shelf. It was the first and only soccer ball Sehun and Luhan purchased together, but it hasn’t been in use for years; but because it was something special between him and Luhan, he always treasured it and kept it in good condition. 

 

 

"Hyung, are people staring? They probably think what you're doing to me is weird," Sehun said, talking through his blinded eyesight caused by the blindfold tied over his eyes.

 

"You don't need me to make yourself look weird."

 

Sehun elbowed Luhan in the ribs, causing the older to wince in pain. "Seriously."

 

Luhan shrugged. "Maybe a few people here and there when they get on." The two friends were sitting on the bus, on the way to some unknown location, which only Luhan knew. He "captured" Sehun (rather than "kidnapped" because Sehun insisted he wasn’t a kid anymore) and covered his eyes, and much to his delight, Sehun showed full cooperation and didn't put up a fight. It just shows how much he trusts Luhan.

 

The bus pulled to a stop. "Okay, we're here!" Luhan jumped up and pulled Sehun to his feet and out the exit of the bus. 

 

They walked for what seemed like forever to Sehun, but he could hear the rustling of shopping carts' wheels against the bumpy and rough concrete and the automatic opening of car trunks — he could tell they were in a parking lot. "Hyung, are we going grocery shopping? It's ridiculous if we are because the Chinese market is right next to your house, we wouldn't need to take the bus for this."

 

As Luhan still led him with locked arms, Sehun felt a breeze as he heard automatic doors slide open to let them through.

 

Luhan was able to walk a couple of yards before Sehun realized where they were when he heard a lady say, "Excuse me, sir. Can you please help me find a lacrosse stick for my son? He's 10 years old, so the lacrosse sticks I saw over there were a bit too big."

 

"Yes, ma'am, right this way." 

 

… 

 

"Luhan," the boy called out to his friend, who was pulling his arm.

 

"Yes, Sehun," Luhan answered, still facing forward. "We're almost there, I know you already know where we are."

 

Sehun chuckled. "Should have thought about earplugs, too." Luhan resisted to slap him upside the head while remembering Sehun was at an unfair disadvantage, since he was a little too vulnerable without sight. 

 

"Hey, brat, just be happy I'm doing this for you."

 

They turned a corner into an aisle and took a couple of steps before Luhan finally led Sehun to a stop. 

 

"I hope you didn't stop me in front of the softball section," Sehun joked, chuckling lightly. 

 

"Ha, ha, ha, very funny," Luhan mocked laughed. "Of course not, you can take your blindfold off now." Sehun untied the blindfold from the back of his head, and his eyes were met with the sight of an assorted shelf of soccer balls. "Alright, just this one time. I'm buying you a soccer ball to congratulate you on getting onto the varsity soccer team."

 

“Wow, hyung, these are top notch soccer balls! Are you sure you don’t want me to get the cheaper ones? They’re just over there,” Sehun asked, pointing down the aisle.

 

“Nah, you deserve it. You’ve worked hard to get on this team, and I’m proud of you. I had faith in you and you didn’t let me down,” Luhan told him, patting him on the back. “So choose whatever soccer ball you want, and I’ll buy it for you.” 

 

"Wahaha, these are great," Sehun exclaimed, feeling the soccer balls' material, even though they were still partly packaged inside their boxes. 

 

Sehun eventually picked out a black and neon green soccer ball, and Luhan gladly payed for it. Walking out of the store with his arms wrapped around the box, Sehun smiled brightly at Luhan. “Thank you so much, hyung!!” 

 

“It’s nothing, Sehun,” Luhan assured. However, Sehun didn’t know Luhan worked at two part-time jobs just to earn enough money to be able to pay for the most expensive soccer ball at that store. Luhan was grateful that he did not know, because if he did, he would not accept the gift and would try to give it back.

 

 

As captains of the soccer team, naturally, Luhan and Minseok started hanging out more. This left Sehun in the dark as Luhan slowly drifted away from him. Sehun felt left behind, but what pushed him to try to keep up with Luhan were the times they would talk and play soccer by themselves in the park. Luhan would talk to Sehun when they were by themselves, but ignore him in school. During team soccer practices, he would act as if Sehun was only a subordinate and not a childhood friend.

 

Individual practices slowly starting becoming purely practice rather than a time for Sehun to catch up with Luhan.

 

Sehun was hurt, so he confided in a Chinese exchange student named Zitao. Sehun told Zitao all about being childhood friends with Luhan, teaching him soccer, getting on the soccer team together, and then Luhan ditching him for Minseok. The Chinese boy only listened. They met in class, but as they grew closer, Sehun started going to Zitao's weekend martial arts matches.

 

Luhan noticed.

 

Luhan noticed how Sehun stopped trying to say hi and stopped making eye contact with him in the hallways because he would be too busy talking to a certain Chinese student. 

 

Luhan was possessive.

 

Luhan didn't like how Sehun was talking to other people other than the members of the soccer team. Zitao looked taller and more well-built, and Luhan couldn't help but feel jealous that Sehun found another person that he could depend on.

 

During one of their one-on-one practices in the park, Luhan finally spoke up — something Sehun was too scared to do.

 

"So, Sehun,” Luhan started casually, kicking a soccer ball around, “make any new friends?"

 

Sehun looked up from the soccer ball he was dribbling and at Luhan. He thought a little. "Nope."

 

"Hmmm… Not even a certain Chinese student with black hair and black eyes and maybe a black soul?" Luhan asked, still not looking up, pretending to be concentrated on the ball.

 

Sehun paused and tilted his head a little, as if he heard his friend wrong. "Are you talking about Zitao? He's not a new friend, I met him like two months ago."

 

Luhan was taken aback with himself how he didn't notice until recently, or how it had taken him a long time to say something about it. However, he recovered from the shock and blatantly ordered, "Well, stop hanging out with him, he could be a bad influence."

 

Sehun's face twisted with confusion. "Are we talking about the right person? Huang Zitao, the boy who cried when he accidentally hit a butterfly with his wushu stick? Even when it was still able to fly afterwards?"

 

Luhan stopped playing with the soccer ball and cursed himself for not thinking this through. 

 

"Hyung, are you jealous?" Sehun asked, smiling a little, hope twinkling in his eyes.

 

"Of course not, I'm just worried who you're hanging out with, that's all," Luhan lied, resuming playing with the soccer ball.

 

Sehun's face fell a little. "I thought you actually cared," he muttered.

 

"Of course I care, that's why I'm telling you to stay away from him."

 

"He's my friend though, who else am I going to hang out with when you are busy with Minseok-hyung?"

 

Luhan stopped in his tracks. "Is this what this is about? You're using Zitao to get me jealous?"

 

"No, of course not! Zitao and I got closer because you've been ignoring me! You won't even say hi to me in the halls anymore, and Zitao was there to listen to me. Why are you pushing me away?"

 

"It doesn't matter. You won't understand."

 

"At least, I will try to! Luhan, is it because I'm three years younger than you?"

 

"No, of course not!"

 

"Then what is it? I'm about to throw this soccer ball at your face," Sehun threatened, since his patience was running out.

 

Luhan sighed. "It's because I don't want to show favor. You're the youngest on the team, and I'm captain. I can't show everyone you're my favorite."

 

"That's bullshit," Sehun accused. "Minseok is still close with Baekhyun and Chanyeol."

 

Luhan bit his lip, anxious that his excuse didn't work.

 

"Hyung, you're lying. You bite your lips when your lie is found out." Sehun shook his head. "Tell me what this is about and don't hold back or leave anything out. You know you can tell me anything."

 

Luhan took in a deep breath and sighed. "I'm gay."

 

"What does that have to do with what I'm asking you?"

 

Luhan shrugged. 

 

Sehun waited for Luhan to bite his lips again or do something out of the ordinary like burst out laughing. When they just stared at each other, it was evident he was telling the truth.

 

"Are you gonna tell the rest?"

 

"I don't know. Should I? Baekhyun and Chanyeol might be weirded out. Minseok already knows."

 

Should he feel hurt that Minseok found out before him? Sehun shrugged it off. "When did you find out?"

 

Luhan didn't respond. He was thinking how he should answer.

 

"Luhan?"

 

"When I figured out I had feelings for you."

 

Sehun froze. It was not an answer he was expecting from a childhood friend who had been ignoring and avoiding him for the past few months. 

 

Luhan was a little hurt by Sehun’s silence, but he pressed on, “Look, coming out to you wasn’t easy. I’m sorry for putting it on you like this all of a sudden, but this wasn’t how I was going to tell you. I was trying to avoid you for as long as possible, trying to get over you, but I just can’t.”

 

Sehun tried to comprehend what was going on, but he couldn’t get a grasp of anything. He was supposed to be making a pros and cons chart in his head or something, not have his mind be wiped blank. He was supposed to have words fill his head that he could say in a speech, telling Luhan exactly how special he was to him. However, everything was white, bare, and empty, and only one sad sentence left his mouth.

 

“Hyung, I just hope this doesn’t change our friendship,” Sehun said, unhappily. 

 

_ Rejected _ . 

 

Sehun had quietly rejected Luhan. “You’re a very important person in my life, and I can’t afford to lose you.” 

 

Luhan slowly backed away with a hurt expression on his face. “It’s okay. I didn’t expect anything.” A sharp pang echoed throughout Sehun’s heart. “Practice is over,” the older stated, and brushed past Sehun to grab his bag and run out of the park.

 

 

Sehun felt terrible. Practice was painfully awkward, even if it was a team practice. It didn’t even feel right to hang out with Zitao anymore, but Sehun continued to do so, because he couldn’t just stop being friends with him. Luhan acted as if nothing happened, and Sehun should have been glad.

 

But he wasn’t.

 

He felt like he said something wrong. 

 

Something so terribly wrong.

 

Why does he feel as if he blew his chances? What chances had he blown off? 

 

Luhan’s hurt expression haunted his thoughts whenever and wherever, anytime and anyplace.

 

Sehun had to constantly tell himself that Luhan was just a childhood friend, his hyung, his  _ brother _ . But why did he have to keep reminding himself this? 

 

Luhan made him feel happy. That was unquestionable. Every time Luhan smiled, he would smile too, even if it was while he was talking to Minseok. Luhan’s doting on him always made him feel special. Sehun had always thought about Luhan, smiling during class at the things he’s said and thinking about the memories they’ve made throughout their childhood. It was natural to think about your best friend. 

 

But is it normal that he wants to know what he’s doing every single moment of the day? Is it normal to keep looking over at him during lunch when he’s eating with his friends at the senior tables? Is it normal that there are times he wants to grab Luhan away from Minseok? 

 

“OH SEHUN!!” he could hear a glass-shattering pitchy voice shriek in his ear and break him away from all his thoughts. Zitao waved his chopsticks violently in front of his face.

 

His eyes regained focus and he was now glaring at his friend for his numb hearing in one ear. “Mother of—” 

 

“That was the fifth time I tried to catch your attention, seriously…” Zitao trailed off, rolling his eyes at the absentminded boy. “What are you thinking about that’s keeping you so distracted? You’ve also been staring at your team captain.”

 

“What?” Sehun looked around alarmed. “Psh, what team captain?”

 

“The soccer team captain? The captain of the only sport you are capable of playing?” Zitao deadpanned. 

 

“Hey, shut up wushu panda,” Sehun warned.

 

“For your information, I don’t only do wushu; I can also play basketball and swimming and diving.” 

 

“No one asked you,” Sehun sassed, and Zitao replied by sticking out his tongue. 

 

“If you like him, why don’t you just tell him and get it off your chest, gosh,” Zitao grumbled. 

 

“What do you mean ‘if I like him’? Who said I like him?” Sehun asked, trying not to lose his cool. Unfortunately, Zitao has had some Zen practice and he could practically see through Sehun’s barriers. On top of that, Zitao was one of Sehun’s closest friends, despite only being friends for a few months. 

 

“I can completely see it in your eyes and in your actions. Your words mean nothing,” Zitao huffed, refusing to believe Sehun’s protests and lies. 

 

Sehun’s walls crumbled down. This is why Luhan’s special treatment made him feel fuzzy on the inside. This is why he wants to know what Luhan is off doing with other people. This is why he always looks over at him to see what he’s doing at the senior lunch tables. This is why he wants to take Luhan away from Minseok and keep him all to himself.

 

But he pushed Luhan away; what should he do? 

 

“I’ve made a huge mistake,” Sehun uttered out. “It’s too late.” 

 

“It doesn’t matter; even if there are no erasers for mistakes in life, you can keep going and write right over them,” Zitao advised. “You should go talk to him. I know he’s more than a childhood friend to you.” 

 

Suddenly, Sehun felt ten times happier, thinking about confessing his true feelings for Luhan; feelings that he didn’t even know were there, but were there the whole time. Even though he was nervous that Luhan would now reject him, he still felt the need to get it off his chest. 

 

Zitao smiled after his friend as Sehun got up and sprinted over to the senior tables. No one cared that a freshman intruded inside the exclusive space, but Luhan noticed his friend as soon as he got to the table. 

 

“Sehun? What are you doing here? Did something happen?” Luhan asked worriedly.

 

“Hyung, I need to talk to you. Let’s go to the soccer field,” Sehun proposed.

 

Luhan looked around at the other seniors who were seated at the table. “Sure…” Luhan stood up and followed Sehun out the cafeteria door. Throughout the whole day, Luhan would carry a soccer ball with him to each class, since his locker wouldn’t fit it (Minseok and Baekhyun stuff packs of cereal and other sealed breakfast products from the cafeteria into Luhan’s locker). 

 

When they entered through the park gates and walked onto the artificial grass turf, Luhan asked, “What is it, Sehun-ah?” 

 

“Luhan-hyung, do you still like me?” 

 

“Is that what you want t—”

 

“Yes or no?” 

 

“I confessed to you not even a week ago, I can’t get over you that easily,” Luhan bitterly muttered, looking off to the side. He didn’t get to see the wide smile growing on Sehun’s face. The freshman wiped it off when Luhan looked back at him and assumed his poker face. 

 

“Alright, I have important news to tell you. If you can block 3 out of 10 goals, I will tell it to you,” Sehun challenged.

 

“Hey, brat, do I look like a goalie to you?” Luhan exclaimed. “You know that’s my worst position, I’ve been on offensive for years!! And what does this news have to do with me liking you?” 

 

“You’ll have to block meee if you want to knowwww,” Sehun drawled out while walking towards the front of the goal.

 

“I’m letting this kid bully me even if he’s three years younger,” Luhan mumbled to himself, dragging himself over to the front of the goal. In front of the net, Luhan assumed the goalie position, ready to receive. 

 

Sehun set the ball on the ground, walked a few steps back and charged, kicking the ball and sending it flying past Luhan and into the net. 

 

“You’re not going to go easy on hyung?!” Luhan cried out in surprise. “Sehun!! I’m not a goalie!! You know best out of everyone else that this is my worst possible position on a soccer field!!” 

 

“If you really,  _ really _ want to hear what I have to say, then you have to work for it,” Sehun shouted back, gesturing for Luhan to get the ball. 

 

Luhan groaned and rolled the ball back. Sehun repeated what he did before, including the part where the ball completely ignored Luhan and reached the inside of the net. 

 

Two balls used up, two chances gone. A new mindset washed over and Luhan was more determined. Who knows how many other goals he’s going to let Sehun score? He had to step up his game. 

 

“Ready?” Sehun asked, before kicking the third ball. Luhan followed the ball and watched where Sehun’s leg kicked it to see where it would go. As soon as the ball left the ground, Luhan’s hand shot up and intercepted its path, preventing it from getting into the goal. 

 

“You see? You got one!! Two more to go!” Sehun shouted happily, as Luhan kicked the ball back to where Sehun was standing.

 

The fourth ball went in.

 

The fifth ball went in. 

 

Luhan blocked the sixth ball. 

 

The seventh ball went in. 

 

Luhan was growing increasingly nervous. What if he missed the last three? 

 

The eighth ball went in. 

 

‘You’re going to catch this one,’ Luhan told himself. ‘You’re going to catch it for Sehun.’ 

 

An outsider or an innocent onlooker who saw the whole thing from beginning to end would say that Sehun was kicking the ball progressively harder and faster with each try. At this rate, the eighth ball was the fastest, and the ninth would be even faster. 

 

Luhan felt time slow as Sehun’s foot came into contact with the soccer ball. Luhan shot out his arms where the ball was flying and felt the ball brush into his fingers. He immediately closed his hands around the ball, preventing it from flying any further and therefore blocking its course into the goal. 

 

Sehun had a huge smile on his face. 

 

“Hyung, you caught three,” Sehun stated.

 

“I caught three!!” Luhan exclaimed in disbelief. 

 

“Congratulations,” Sehun applauded. 

 

Luhan left the goal and ran up to Sehun; he was going to hug him and spin him around, before he realized what he was about to do, stopped himself, and cleared his throat awkwardly. “Ahem, so, what is it that you wanted to tell me? You promised if I got three in, you would tell me important news.”

 

"Ah, right," Sehun agreed. The air suddenly became awkward again and Sehun didn't know how to put the feelings he had to say in words. 

 

He thought about Xiumin and Luhan always side by side and how he'd be out of the picture. He thought about playing soccer alone in a field without Luhan there. The chances of these happening would decrease at least 60% if Sehun gathered courage and did something right now.

 

"Luhan-hyung, please do not get mad or anything since it was my mistake for being dumb..." Sehun asked, trying not to sound like the total freshman he was. "After you confessed to me, I realized some things. I realized I was dumb and how uncomfortable I was when you were with someone else. I realized that I've always liked you more than a friend. I'm sorry I only realized this after I almost lost you and our friendship, but you're a very important person in my life."

 

"Oh Sehun, are you saying—"

 

"I'm saying I like you too, and I guess I want to be with you.”

 

A smile broke out across Luhan's face and he broke the distance between them and hugged Sehun with enormous strength. 

 

"Thank you, thank you, thank you."

 

"I should be the one saying thank you. You were brave enough to confess to me first."

 

All of a sudden, Luhan pulled out of the hug and looked at Sehun. "Wait a minute, you  _ guess  _ you want to be with me?"

 

"I had to say that word just in case you rejected me!! It would make me feel better." 

 

"And why didn't you tell me you liked me when I confessed to you?"

 

"I panicked."

 

"You could've told me you needed more time!!"

 

"But hyungggg, you know I panic easily," Sehun whined. 

 

"You are such a brat."

 

"I'm your brat now."

 

 

It was a given that they would win their high school’s division championships — after becoming a pair, Sehun and Luhan’s chemistry was extremely beneficial to their teamwork on the field, more so than ever before. No one questioned it, since it helped them in all of their games. The tactic was to pass the ball to either Luhan or Sehun and the other will score the goal.

 

It turns out that the team didn’t care that Luhan was gay or that it was a three year age difference; after their championship victory, they still dumped buckets of green slime on Luhan and Sehun for being the team’s most valuable players. Even through all the gunk, Minseok patted them both on the shoulders and congratulated them for being such a cute couple. “A couple who wins together, stays together,” he joked, and the two laughed. 

 

Sehun was still friends with Zitao, even though Luhan didn’t particularly like that. Sehun continually tried to convince Luhan to allow him to formally introduce him to his friend as his boyfriend, but Luhan continued to be immature about it. Zitao was usually the one to help the struggling Sehun with his geometry homework, but Luhan persistently said he would be the one to help (even though he forgot all the material from three years before). 

 

“But, hyung, I don’t say anything about you hanging out with Minseok-hyung…” Sehun whined one night at one-on-one off-season soccer practice. It was a little chilly, since winter was quickly approaching. It was late in the evening, with all the other sports teams gone from the field, but the lights still illuminated the field and shined on them brightly. The two of them were the only ones on the vast field.

 

“You’ve known Minseok for years!!” Luhan argued back.

 

“But still…” Sehun pouted. He decided to change the subject and complained, “Hyung, it’s cold!!” 

 

“So let’s run around the field,” Luhan suggested, causing Sehun to frown even more deeply. His plan to have Luhan hug him and cuddle with him while lying down on the field had backfired; plus, he definitely did not want to run any laps right now.

 

“Come on, get up,” Luhan urged, pulling Sehun up by his wrists. They started walking around the field, and when they felt warmed-up, they began to jog side by side. Luhan decided two laps was enough, and Sehun didn’t need to complain about it being cold anymore. 

 

They began to kick the ball around, practicing passing to each other. It was silent, since Luhan was so deep in thought, but he soon spoke up, “So, did you ever have feelings for Zitao?” 

 

Sehun received the ball and stopped it with his heel, “Luhan-hyung, seriously…” 

 

“Yes? No?” 

 

Sehun smirked a little, then smiled at Luhan. “If you can get the ball from me in 10 seconds, I’ll tell you the truth.” 

 

“Oh Sehun, is that a challenge?” Luhan raised his eyebrow. 

 

“Yes. Starting, now!” Sehun dashed off the other direction.

 

"HEY!! YOU BRAT!!" Luhan shouted and began running. "I WASN'T READY!!"

 

"10... 9... 8... 7..." Luhan started sprinting faster to catch up to Sehun.

 

"3... 2..." 

 

The last second, Sehun stopped and turned around; Luhan was  _ right _ behind him.

 

"1—OOF!" 

 

The impact of Luhan's momentum sent them both to the ground, with Luhan on top of Sehun. When they recovered, Luhan smiled sheepishly at Sehun. "Are you alright?"

 

Sehun nodded.

 

"Sorry about that."

 

"No need to be sorry."

 

With Sehun's face in close proximity, Luhan couldn't help but feel butterflies in his stomach. They were looking at each other in the eyes, waiting for one another to say something. If he wants to do something —  _ if _ he’s going to do something — now was the perfect time. This was his chance.

 

Sehun closed his eyes as Luhan slowly leaned in. 

 

Luhan would have never known kissing his best friend was the best feeling in the world. Even though this was both their first kiss, it seemed as if they have done this before — as if it was always meant to be done. Luhan tried to make it as loving and passionate as possible, deepening the kiss.

 

Because they needed to breathe, Sehun pulled away.

 

“Wow,” Luhan gasped out.

 

“Does that answer your question about Zitao?” Sehun asked, smirking.

 

“Oh, yeah…” Luhan recalled. “Wait, no, it doesn’t!! So you liked him?!” 

 

“WHAT!! LUHAN, NO, I NEVER LIKED HIM!! IT’S ALWAYS BEEN YOU!!” 

 

Luhan grinned a shit-eating grin that Sehun wanted to smack off his face; he was a little embarrassed to have to shout that out. “I’m very happy to hear that.” 

 

 

Luhan graduated from high school and went on to a university on a soccer scholarship. He was bound to be scouted by colleges during his season, and he took up the offer of whichever school had the best soccer team. Luhan already knew what he wanted to do with his life — he wanted to be a professional soccer player. 

 

Luhan owed it all to Sehun.

 

Sehun was the one who walked up to him that fateful day and taught him how to play soccer.

 

Sehun was left behind in high school to continue on with his sophomore year. Of course, he continued being friends with Zitao, especially since their friendship wasn’t scrutinized under the hawk eyes of a jealous Luhan. Occasionally, Luhan would ask Sehun during their video chat session if he’s being cheated on, and Sehun would joke around with his boyfriend a bit. 

 

To be completely honest, Sehun wanted to attend the same university as Luhan. Even though he’s young and stupid, he’s pretty sure he wants to follow Luhan’s footsteps and enter the professional soccer playing field; attending Luhan’s university is a stepping stone towards that goal — Luhan also attending is a plus. 

 

Sehun worked hard and trained hard; when he would get home and turn on his computer to video chat with Luhan, he would be exhausted. He trained harder than ever before — enough to be the most hardworking and most improved on his team during his sophomore year. How could the MVP of the team also be the most improved? Sehun proved everyone wrong by showing them it's possible to be both. 

 

By the time senior year rolled around, colleges scouted Sehun. Sehun was ecstatic upon hearing his acceptance into Luhan’s university a few months after sending his application. Luhan was also proud of his little Sehun, now all grown up, and being able to once again play soccer with him. 

 

 

“Minseok-hyung?!” Sehun gaped in shock, as his hyung walked into the sports center with a duffel bag slung over his shoulder. 

 

“Minseok!! How have you been?” Luhan greeted happily. He went in for a handshake and a hug, saying, “It’s been too long, I can’t believe we haven’t faced each other once in college.”

 

“I know, haha, that’s what happens when we are in different divisions,” Minseok responded. 

 

Right after Sehun and Luhan graduated from college, their coach recommended them to train with retired soccer player Park Jisung. They were told that the famous former soccer player was also taking in another pupil and they were pleasantly surprised to see the third person they were training with was their long-time friend.

 

They all trained diligently and hard with their goal in mind: playing for the South Korean National Football Team. 

 

A lot of people saw a burning, fiery potential in all three of them. 

 

Their hard work payed off after tryouts for the national team.

 

Oh Sehun, Lu Han, and Kim Minseok had made the team. 

 

 

Luhan and Sehun had been diligently practicing with the team, since their first tournament was coming up. It was a small tournament, just to see how the new players would work together with the team to make up for the retired players that left. 

 

Luhan played well — too well. His skills as a striker were much better than Minseok’s and maybe even better than some players who were on the team already. He scored almost half the goals in their first game. 

 

Sehun thought the older would be happy, even proud of himself, but he wasn’t. When they got home from winning the tournament, Luhan broke down and started crying. 

 

“Luhan, what’s wrong?” Sehun asked, panicked. ‘

 

“I should be ashamed!” Luhan wailed out. 

 

“What? Why?” 

 

“I am betraying my country!!” 

 

Sehun was even more puzzled. “How?” 

 

“By playing for South Korea!! My parents are so disappointed in me!!” 

 

So that’s what this was about. Sehun had heard Luhan arguing over the phone with his parents, but he didn’t know it was because they didn’t approve of him playing soccer for South Korea. After Luhan finished high school, his parents flew back to China, but their son insisted on finishing up school in Korea. 

 

Luhan continued to cry and all Sehun could do was wrap his arms around him and tell him that he wasn’t a disappointment and that he wasn’t a traitor. He thought he cheered him up enough because soon, Luhan calmed down. They were both exhausted from the game and the emotional breakdown, so they decided to call it a night. 

 

After that episode, every day was soccer practice and Sehun was too exhausted to notice a change in Luhan’s behavior. The younger was just grateful that he had a stable relationship with him and that they were always together. He always thought that was how it was going to be. He didn’t notice Luhan hesitating to talk to him as if he wanted to say something but was holding back; he didn’t notice Luhan always gazing into space as if something on his mind was bothering him.

 

It took him by surprise one night, when Sehun came home from a whole day out with Zitao to Luhan standing in front of the door with his arms crossed, as if he were waiting for him. However, he didn’t seem particularly excited or happy to see him. He actually looked more guilt-ridden and reluctant to see him. 

 

“Hey, what’s up?” Sehun greeted. 

 

Luhan turned his face to the side, not yet wanting to speak. He wanted to cry, but it would make him seem weak in front of the younger boy. 

 

Sehun was confused. Then, he saw bags — suitcases — on the floor surrounding his boyfriend. “What’s going on? Are you going somewhere?” 

 

“Sehun,” Luhan started. “I’m going to China… and I’m not coming back.” 

 

Sehun felt his heart sank. “What? China? What do you mean?”

 

“I'm not going to play for the South Korean football team. I have to go back.”

 

Sehun was shocked; he was stunned to the point where he didn’t know what to say and just stared. All these years, he never thought he would hear Luhan say this. He never thought he would hear Luhan say he was going to give up soccer. 

 

After a few moments, he found his voice again. “But, you… you trained so long and hard for this! How can you let go of soccer like that?”

 

“No, Sehun. I'm not giving up on soccer…”  

 

“What? Then what are you saying?” 

 

Luhan took a deep breath. “I'm going back to China… to play soccer. I’m going to play for China’s National Soccer Team.”

 

Sehun felt his whole world crash down. For his whole life, he thought he would always be playing soccer by Luhan’s side. They have been playing together for many, many years. Why stop so suddenly? Right before the start of a huge tournament? 

 

“B-but, why? Why so suddenly? How long have you been planning this for?” 

 

“I’ve been think about it for a few weeks,” Luhan admitted. “I told the team already. You’re the last one to know.”

 

The words stung and the younger felt betrayed. “B-but you grew up in Korea! You trained with Koreans! Korean Soccer All-Stars! Why would you go play for China?!” 

 

“Sehun, think about it!” Luhan answered hotly. “I spoke to you about this before and you saw how upset I was! What would people from my homeland think of me when they see a Chinese man playing for another country? It would bring my family and me dishonor and I would never be able to show my face there again.” 

 

“Isn’t that okay? You’ve stayed in Korea your whole life!” 

 

“Think about how selfish you’re sounding, Sehun. China is where I was born; Chinese blood runs through my veins. I can’t just abandon my country like that. Would you drop everything and come to China with me? I don’t think you would, so why are you keeping me from doing this when you wouldn’t do the same for me?” 

 

“But you… you can’t just abandon me like this,” Sehun spoke in a broken whisper. “Continue what you started, Luhan. Continue playing for the Korean team please... with me and Minseok-hyung...”

 

Luhan shook his head and started picking up his things. “I can’t do this anymore. I told you last because I knew you were going to be hurt the most. I knew you were going to try to hold me back. I love you, Sehun, but I have to go.

 

“And if you really loved me, too, you would let me leave.” 

 

Sehun couldn’t say anything. His heart was being wrenched in a hundred different directions because he wanted Luhan to stay, but he knew it wouldn’t be the right thing to keep him from doing what he wanted. He knew how miserable Luhan would be if a whole country hated him. 

 

Luhan had gathered his huge backpack on his back, two suitcases, and a carry-on before making his way towards the door, which was still open because Sehun forgot to close it in his shock. Sehun saw that the older was going to leave without turning back, without saying goodbye. 

 

“You…” Sehun started, but all the other words were lodged in his throat. Luhan stopped at the doorway. “You’re leaving me,” he whimpered. 

 

Luhan paused. There was hope in Sehun that the other was maybe going to change his mind, maybe he would stay after all. He was hesitating at the door; maybe he would drop his stuff, turn around, and hug Sehun while profusely apologizing. Then they would cry, forgive each other, and go to sleep in each other’s arms. 

 

But all those hopes and dreams shattered when Sehun heard Luhan speak in a strained, cracked voice before walking out the door and never looking back. 

 

“Goodbye, Sehun.” 

 

 

Sehun really felt like dying. He didn’t have the motivation to do anything anymore, so he never left his bed, unless it was to use the bathroom. He hasn’t left his house for almost a week, and he didn’t know this, but everyone was starting to worry.

 

He looked and felt terrible. He didn’t want to eat, because Luhan was usually the one who cooked their food. He didn’t want to shower, because Luhan wasn’t there to remind him not to spend too long in there and waste water. He didn’t want to cross into the living room, because the front door Luhan left through would be glaringly painful to look at. 

 

Sehun was weak. 

 

He wanted to waste away. 

 

He didn’t want to do anything anymore. 

 

“Oh, fuck,” he heard a voice curse, after his bedroom door banged open. 

 

Luhan? Was it Luhan? If not, then who else would come in here? He didn’t even hear anyone break in through the front door. 

 

“Sehun, what the fuck do you think you’re doing? Fuck… you smell awful,” he heard the demanding voice continue to speak. “Have you just been lying here the whole time?!” 

 

Sehun lifted his head just a little and saw Kim Minseok standing beside the bed, face pulled back into a frown and eyes demanding answers. Sehun was too tired to deal with him, so he put his head back down. 

 

“Sehun, get up.” 

 

No response. 

 

“I said,  _ get up _ .” 

 

Still no response from him. 

 

“You’re being selfish, you know. Now that Luhan’s left, our team needs you more than ever, but you’re just sulking here! Luhan wouldn’t be happy to see you like this!” 

 

Despite the outburst, Sehun still did not answer. 

 

“You’re not the only one affected, too. Luhan was my best friend. If you really love him, you would happily let him go!” 

 

“I let him go, didn’t I?!” Sehun finally barked back. “What more do you want from me?!” 

 

“No! No, you didn’t let him go! If you really let him go, you would be at practice right now, instead of locking yourself up in here. I want you go get up, take a shower, and leave your house for a breath of fresh air. Then, you eat, get your energy back, and practice for our upcoming match.” 

 

Sehun felt fresh hot tears slide down his face, and he realized that this was the first time he was crying in a while. He hadn’t cried while Luhan said goodbye and he hadn’t cried throughout the whole week. Everything finally came crashing down on him, slamming him full force. He’s come to terms with reality and realized Luhan is really  _ gone _ . 

 

“Hyung, it hurts…” He sobbed and sobbed while Minseok sat beside him on the bed and rubbed comforting circles in his back, telling him everything is going to be alright. 

 

“The feeling will pass, maknae… 

 

“You can become better… You can continue living without him. 

 

“So that the next time you see him, you can be a person that you’d be proud to show him.”

 

 

Sehun turned off his iPad and carefully stood up from the couch. 

 

He remembered all those months of rigorous training. He wanted to become a better player, a better athlete, so that the next time he met Luhan, the older would be impressed. Sehun didn’t want to be ashamed of accomplishing nothing; he didn’t want to encounter Luhan without having anything to show him. 

 

He had trained the hardest on the South Korean team. 

 

At first, it was hard without Luhan, but he eventually got into the routine of things. His team was there to help him every step of the way, especially Minseok. His hyung was always the one that stayed after practice and gave him advice on defense. 

 

Sehun remembered how his practice schedule became more intense as the World Cup Tournament approached. He remembered that he knew there was a chance he would encounter Luhan at a match, especially since there was a rumor that the Chinese and Korean teams would be in the same bracket. He remembered the many injuries he sustained months before the tournament, but how he was all healed and hyped up.

 

Making his way into his room, and saw the crutches that leaned against the wall next to his bed. He had just only recently — just a few weeks ago — become independent from them and didn’t need them as much anymore. Looking at them, right this moment, made his leg ache in pain as he remembered the last time he would ever play soccer.

 

 

“Alright, boys, big day, big day!!” the South Korean team’s coach belted out as he entered the locker room. “We’ve prepared long and hard for this! We’ve gotten this far, so we must go through to end, right?!” 

 

“YES, COACH!!” the team responded and cheered. 

 

Minseok worriedly looked over at Sehun, who was calmly tying on his cleats. Today’s match was the World Cup Finals — and it was against China. Sehun would be seeing Luhan for the first time in  _ months _ . 

 

If Sehun were to be honest, he couldn’t breathe properly. This day was everything he prepared for, but he suddenly felt like he wasn’t ready for any of it at all. Even though both teams have already warmed up on the field, Sehun felt a cold shiver through his bones. The locker room also felt stuffy and he felt slightly suffocated, so he told Minseok that he was going to step outside for a breath of fresh air. 

 

He brought his water bottle with him and made his way out the of the locker room. There was an open space that allowed access to the fresh, summer air; it was where all the athletes entered to go to the locker room, and to enter the field, they would have to continue walking down the hall, past the locker rooms. The opposing teams’ locker rooms were just opposite of each other, and Sehun wondered how it was possible that he hadn’t run into Luhan yet. 

 

He leaned against the wall, slowly breathing in and out to get as much air as he could, and drank his water. It made him feel better in a way, since he was focusing on his breathing, which was something else other than Luhan. With his eyes closed, he only realized someone was in the hall with him when he heard a door close. 

 

“Oh Sehun,” an unrecognizable voice called out to him. 

 

Sehun opened his eyes and saw a young man, around the same age as him, standing in front of him. He had just come out from China’s locker room, and he was wearing the Chinese soccer uniform. 

 

“You’re Oh Sehun, right?” 

 

Sehun hesitated to answer at first, but the guy looked like he meant no harm, so he slowly nodded. 

 

The Chinese player bowed. “Hello, I’m Luhan’s teammate, Zhang Yixing. I’ve heard a lot about you,” he told him, all the while smiling. “You’re probably someone to look out for on the field,” he joked. 

 

Sehun wasn’t understanding why Yixing was talking to him at all. He was feeling slightly awkward and he didn’t know how to respond, so he just muttered a simple, “Thanks.” 

 

“Hey,” Yixing started. “I’m just wishing you and your team good luck. Luhan sends his best regards.” And with that, the Chinese man turned and walked back into the locker room. 

 

_ Luhan sends his best regards? Why couldn’t he come out and tell me that himself?  _

 

Sehun huffed and took another gulp of his water. He calmed his wits and shook his head, heading back into the South Korean locker room with a mindset ready to face anything. 

 

_ _

 

_ “Look at the trophy that’s going to be presented in a couple of hours!” _

 

_ “I think it’ll be a tough game for China, what do you think?”  _

 

_ “I don’t know, it was quite unexpected for both teams to be here today; they must have trained especially hard this year, especially with the new players on each team.” _

 

As the commentators said their remarks, people in the crowds were placing bets on who they thought was going to win the game. There was an endless roar echoing throughout the stadium and the hype was blasting through the roof. The cheering became louder as both teams entered the stadium for their national anthems. 

 

Sehun caught a glimpse of Luhan, and if he were to be honest, he was more stunning than ever. In his red uniform and with a serious face, Luhan looked like he was ready to play. He looked as if nothing could distract him or stop him from getting the World Cup trophy. 

 

Sehun realized both national anthems were over when the crowd erupted into a flurry of cheers and his team made a move to face China’s team. They were going to shake hands and Sehun would have to shake hands with Luhan. 

 

The first person Sehun recognized was Zhang Yixing, who nodded his head as they both said good luck. 

 

Luhan was right behind Yixing. 

 

Sehun took Luhan’s hand in a firm handshake, but he forgot to say good luck — he completely forgot how to speak. This handshake felt longer than the others, and he was making eye contact with Luhan for the first time in months. Luhan smiled at him, even though it was a sad smile, and he said good luck before quickly moving on to the next person. 

 

How was Oh Sehun going to focus during this game?  

 

 

Sehun’s muscles felt tired, almost enough to the point of collapsing. He urged his body to fight through it, because he needed to for his team and for his dignity. Practice for the past few months would mean nothing if he were to show the whole world that he couldn’t hold up. 

 

Time was counting down and it wasn’t stopping for anyone. It was tied 2-2, Luhan having scored one of the goals for China. Sehun played defense, but he was busy guarding someone he thought Luhan would pass the ball to to score the goal — turns out that Luhan was perfectly capable scoring by himself. 

 

Sehun hated feeling extremely pressured, which is what he’d probably go through if the game had to resort to a sudden death round. He was extremely thankful when his coach called a timeout, so he could use the opportunity to take a breather. Along with his other teammates, Sehun jogged off the field and over to the sidelines where his coach was waiting.

 

“Deep breath, deep breath. Alright guys, you’re doing well. Just remember to keep the ball away from number 7. He’s the best striker and offensive player on the team. Keep the ball away from him, and you’ll be fine,” the coach reminded them. 

 

Sehun spoke up, “Guys, it’s okay if we have to do sudden death, but it would be better if we could score one more and then keep the ball away from them. Let’s play our hardest!” 

 

The South Korean team huddled closer and did their team handshake, yelling, “Go score!” before running off back onto the field. 

 

_ Sweat dripping, body aching, deep breathing.  _

 

The ball was put back into play. 

 

Sehun saw Minseok running with the ball towards the opposing team’s goal — just like in practice, he was like lightning, quickly flashing past Chinese players. He was getting closer and closer to the goal! Sehun’s heart was pounding from all the running and excitement, when a Chinese player suddenly appeared from the side, trying to take the ball from Minseok. The Korean player immediately passed the ball to team captain Choi Minho. 

 

Sehun’s heart stopped when he saw that the pass was intercepted by Zhang Yixing. 

 

The Chinese man was dribbling the ball past all the Korean players and away from his own goal. Luhan was near Korea’s goal, which was being guarded by Yoon Doojoon. It was clear as daylight to Sehun that Yixing was going to pass the ball to Luhan so that China could score. 

 

Sehun sprinted to where Luhan was, forgetting everything that was between them, forgetting everything that they ever were, and only remembering soccer. Right now, Luhan was the opponent and Sehun was a defensive player. 

 

Yixing effortlessly passed the ball to Luhan, and that’s when Sehun felt a rush of adrenaline pump through his body. He ran over to where Luhan was dribbling the ball towards the goal. Coming up from behind him and nearing his side, Sehun decided at the last minute to slide tackle. Even though he didn’t practice that move too much, he thought it was probably the best way to get the ball right now since Luhan is running way too fast. 

 

When he was in a good position running next to Luhan, he extended his leg out and felt his foot push the ball out of Luhan’s way. Then he heard a loud  _ crack! _ and felt a sickening pain somewhere on his leg that made him black out. 

 

For the next few moments, he felt himself on the ground drifting in and out of consciousness. He knew there were people crowded around him and he felt like he was in a tangle of limbs and there was definitely someone on top of him. 

 

“Sehun… oh my God… Okay, Sehun, you’re going to be okay…” he heard Minho say. 

 

“Luhan, stay with me,” Sehun faintly heard and was barely able to identify the voice to be Minseok’s. He also heard some words being thrown around rapidly; it was either he couldn’t comprehend them because his mind was so messed up at the moment or because it was Chinese. 

 

When he felt a huge weight lift off of him, he tried to focus his eyes on whatever was hovering over him. “Sehun, whatever you do, don’t look down,” Minho’s face came into view clearly. Sehun looked down at his leg anyway and was horrified with what he saw. There was blood everywhere and he could see bone sticking out of his shin; the shin shouldn’t even be bending the way it was. The numbness he felt became a pain that multiplied ten times the more he looked at it. 

 

Everything after that was a blur. He was lifted onto a stretcher and whisked out of the playing field and into an ambulance. 

 

He later woke up in a hospital room with his football captain and a few of his teammates. 

 

“You’re finally up, champ,” Minho greeted, with a smile on his face. 

 

“How are you doing, maknae?” Doojoon asked. 

 

“Who won the World Cup?” Sehun immediately asked, he almost sat up, but realized he couldn’t because his leg was suspended in the air. 

 

“Woah, woah, woah, calm down buddy,” teammate Junsu stepped in. “You just got out of surgery and you’ve been knocked out for more than 24 hours and you worry about Championships first?” 

 

“Dedication,” Minho answered with a satisfied face. “Maknae, the South Korean team won because of you.” 

 

Sehun felt his heart swell with happiness and relief; his horrible injury wasn’t for nothing. 

 

“What happened?”

 

“You slide tackled the ball out of Luhan’s way, but since you touched the ball first and Luhan tripped on you afterwards, you wouldn’t have gotten a red card. Though they started off with the ball first, Luhan is their best striker, so their chances of scoring decreased greatly since he wasn’t on the field anymore.” 

 

_ Luhan… Luhan was injured, too. Is he alright? _

 

“We got the ball back, and we were able to score! If you didn’t stop Luhan from getting a goal, we probably wouldn’t have been able to win!” 

 

Sehun was shocked.  _ He… he led his team to victory? _

 

_ But at what price? _

 

“What's the matter, maknae? You don't look too happy…” Doojoon asked.

 

“How is Luhan?” Sehun immediately asked. “What happened? How is he right now?” 

 

His teammates expressions dropped and they seemed a little hesitant to answer, but Minho finally spoke up. “When you slide tackled the ball out of his way, Luhan fell really hard on his head. He’s stabilized now, but he’s suffering from a severe concussion.” 

 

_ Severe concussion? _

 

_ He’s hurt. _

 

_ I hurt him. _

 

Even if it was a little painful, Sehun began to bring his injured leg down from the sling to sit up straight. Despite everyone’s protests, he started to get off the bed.

 

“Oh Sehun, what do you think you’re doing?!” Minho shouted. “You shouldn’t be getting up! Let your leg rest!” 

 

“I need to see him,” Sehun insisted through the pain. He saw a pair of crutches by the side of his bed and grabbed them. 

 

“You can see him later! The recovery of your leg comes first!” 

 

“What’s his room number?” 

 

None of his teammates answered.

 

“Alright, I can find it myself.” 

 

Sehun winced in pain as he accidentally put pressure on his injured leg, but got the hang of using his crutches. He went to the front desk to ask where Luhan’s room was, then proceeded to make his way over to where the Chinese player was hospitalized. 

 

Upon arriving at the room, he saw his old friends Baekhyun and Chanyeol, and Zhang Yixing and Minseok were there, too. No other Chinese players were seen in the room, and Sehun briefly wondered what Baekhyun and Chanyeol were doing here. He knocked on the door, which startled almost half of the people in the room. 

 

Minseok and Yixing immediately got up and grabbed Sehun under each arm and lifted him out of the room, crutches forgotten on the floor. 

 

“Hey! What are you doing?!” Sehun cried out angrily.

 

They hurried out of the room and set Sehun down when they were out of Luhan’s sight. Sehun had to lean on the wall for support as to not put pressure on his injury. 

 

“What was that about?!” 

 

“Maknae, I need you to listen carefully,” Minseok warned gravely. “Luhan is not okay, right now. He’s not in his right mind.”

 

“Huh? Is his concussion really bad?”

 

“It’s not only that…” Yixing took a deep breath before answering. “Luhan’s been kicked off the national team. They all think their loss is his fault, so they said they didn’t need him on the team anymore. It was the first thing he heard from them when he woke up. He doesn’t even remember his own name, but, out of all things, he remembers playing soccer.” 

 

“What do you mean ‘he doesn’t remember his own name’?” 

 

“Meaning when you walk in there, he will most likely not remember you either,” the oldest replied. 

 

“ _ He won’t remember me _ ? Don’t feed me that bullshit, hyung. We’ve basically spent our whole lives together.” 

 

“It’s true, he doesn’t remember me either. The only thing he remembers is soccer. It’s because of his concussion,” Minseok urgently explained. 

 

His memories with Luhan, gone… just like that. Sehun couldn’t believe it. Luhan had to remember at least  _ something, anything _ . He had to take a moment to recollect himself.

 

“Okay, fine. Even if he doesn’t remember me, that’s okay. I don’t see the problem. I could just make him remember me again. The worst thing that can happen is that we just start over again.” 

 

Minseok’s face looked even more serious before, and he turned to Yixing. “Can you get Sehun’s crutches from inside the room?” 

 

Yixing took it as a cue to leave, so he nodded and bowed before walking into the room. 

 

Minseok turned back to Sehun, and the younger was becoming a little unsettled by the way his hyung was looking at him. “Hyung, what’s wrong?”

 

“Maknae, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to let Luhan know who you are.” 

 

Sehun couldn’t believe his ears. “What? Say that again?” 

 

“Believe me when I say it’s hard to tell you this, but you should stay away from Luhan for the time being.” 

 

“Why are you saying things like that, hyung?” Sehun asked, starting to raise his voice. “What gives you the right--” 

 

“You hurt him really badly, Sehun. When I drove him to the airport that night, he was crying the entire ride there. Even during his time in China, there were multiple times when he wanted to pack his bags and come crawling back to you.”

 

“How was I supposed to know that? If he said something to me, I would have done something about it! Hyung, you know how much I love him--” 

 

“You’re not the only one in love with him, Sehun!!” 

 

The younger was stunned into silence. 

 

“You’re not the only one in love with him…” Minseok repeated sadly as eyes trailed away from Sehun’s face to the floor.

 

“This whole entire time…?” Sehun breathed out. “I didn’t know…” 

 

"It’s my fault that I never had the guts to do anything with my feelings for him. You were always one step ahead of me. I thought you deserved him more than I ever did. 

 

“I wish I was the one who approached him when he was on the swings that day. I wish I had enough bravery to be the one to ask him to play soccer with us. I wish I was the one who he played soccer side by side with.

 

But you hurt him, maknae. I can’t allow him to feel that kind of pain ever again. So, please, I ask of you, don’t come near him again. Don’t do this to him.” 

 

Sehun didn’t know what to make of this entire situation, but he knew he couldn’t just let go of Luhan like that. 

 

“I’m sorry, hyung, but I don’t think you’re the one who should decide that. It’s up to Luhan. If he still has feelings for me, then all the hurt I’ve put him through, I can make it up to him for the rest of our lives.” 

 

With that, Sehun turned away from Minseok and opened the door. Yixing hurried over with his crutches, and Sehun nodded to thank him. He limped over to the foot of Luhan’s bed. 

 

Luhan refused to look up and had been staring at the blanket on his legs the whole time. 

 

“Luhan? How’re you doing?” Sehun asked, cautiously. 

 

The whole room watched the two of them carefully. Luhan still didn’t look up, but his facial expression was contorting into something uglier by the second. 

 

“Luhan?” 

 

He finally looked up, a look of pure anger directed at Sehun. “Get out. Get out, get out, GET OUT!!” he screamed. He grabbed whatever his hands could find on the side tables and hurled them at Sehun. “ _ GET OUT!! _ ” 

 

Minseok rushed over to Luhan to calm him down, while Baekhyun and Chanyeol shot up from their chairs and hurried over to Sehun to rush him out of the room.

 

“What was that?” Sehun asked, panicked. “Is he alright?” 

 

Baekhyun and Chanyeol looked a little uneasy, as if none of them wanted to answer that question, but Baekhyun spoke first. “He didn’t react like that to any of us…”   

 

“You guys, too?” Sehun asked, knowing what they were going to tell him next. 

 

“We agree with Minseok and think that you’re not good for Luhan at the moment. Maknae… maybe give it some time, and then maybe you can see Luhan, hm?” Chanyeol suggested. “At least until he gets better.” 

 

“Luhan will probably recover faster if he doesn’t see you,” Baekhyun added. “It’s all for the best, and I know you want what’s best for him.”

 

Luhan… Luhan must hate him now… 

 

Sehun got his answer, even if it wasn’t the one he wanted: Luhan didn’t want him anywhere near him. Minseok had been right; Sehun caused him so much pain, that even without his memories, just the sight of Sehun would make him throw a fit. 

 

He took one glance into the hospital room and saw Luhan crying, tears streaming down his face and hiccups and all. He’s never seen the older so broken and vulnerable like that, it hurt him to think that he was the cause of his pain. If Sehun was really hurting Luhan that much, then there’s really only one thing he could do and that was to respect everyone’s wishes.  

 

“You’re right,” Sehun finally admitted. “I  _ do _ want what’s best for Luhan. If that’s really case, then I’ll stay out of his sight.” 

 

He saw Baekhyun and Chanyeol visibly loosen up. “We’re glad you’re making the right decision, maknae. You’ve really grown up,” the older of the two commended. 

 

“I’ll… I’ll take my leave now,” Sehun said solemnly before he bowed and limped away.

 

He reached the end of the hallway before Chanyeol called out to him. “Maknae!” 

 

Sehun turned around one last time to see the pitiful glances of the two he considered as his older brothers. 

 

“Stay strong…”

 

 

Sehun vaguely remembered making his way back to his hospital room, where his teammates were waiting worriedly for him. He remembered collapsing on the bed, wishing everything was one long nightmare, and that he’d wake up next to Luhan in their shared bed. 

 

Sehun remembered the second heartbreak he experienced when the doctors told him that he couldn’t play soccer for the time being, and that his injury was not likely to completely recover. 

 

He’s long accepted it now, and he’s only watched Luhan from a distance. Any news reports or competitions, Sehun is there to see it all and give Luhan his full support. 

 

Tomorrow, he’s finally going to watch Luhan’s match in person. He saved enough money and courage to purchase a ticket. He’s going to see Luhan up close for the first time in a year, and he still doesn’t know how to feel.

 

Excited? Happy? Scared? 

 

He settled himself down on his bed and took one last look at the ticket on his bedside table. It was his luck, his fortune, his chance to finally meet Luhan once more. He closed his eyes and tried not to think about it, because he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep due to the excitement he got from the thought of it.

 

 

Sehun took a deep breath as he looked at the stadium; he thought he was ready, but he thought maybe he needed a little more mental preparation… He held onto his most prized possession — the soccer ball Luhan gave him — more tightly to his chest. 

 

He was going to approach Luhan and ask him to sign it. The rest will be history. 

 

He made his way to the entrance and handed his ticket to the scanner. Once he made it through, he wandered around to see the fans supporting Luhan and to find the entrance to the seats of the stadium. 

 

The players were entering the field a few minutes after Sehun found his seat. He saw his former teammates — Minho, Doojoon, Junsu, and Minseok. 

 

He didn’t feel bitter at all. His time on the team was full of both touching and fun memories that he hoped wouldn’t be taken away from him. He was happy to see them healthy and still working hard on the field. 

 

He wanted to watch all his teammates play, but once the game started, he could only keep his eyes on Luhan. Indeed, the way Luhan played — graceful, but aggressive — warranted everyone’s attention. It was as if he knew the ball and the field inside and out, as if he knew the secrets to get through every single player who came in his way. 

 

Each time Luhan had the ball in his possession, Sehun couldn’t help but cheer as loudly as he could. It didn’t matter, since everyone else around him was cheering just as loudly, but Luhan was the only player he was cheering for. 

 

Sehun didn’t even realize when the match was over, because it had all went too quickly for him. Of course, South Korea won the match with Luhan scoring two out of the four goals for his team. 

 

The people who wanted Luhan’s autograph started to move down the steps towards the field. Luhan was one of the nicer players who went to the audience and gave a few autographs on his way to the locker room. If Sehun wanted a signature, he would have to move quickly to get to the front of the huge crowd. Despite annoyed people, Sehun managed to push his way to the front.

 

He felt his heart climb to his throat the closer he got to the field. 

 

“Today was a great day, great game,” Luhan spoke into the microphone that the interviewer was holding to his mouth. “I felt more energized than usual, probably because of the support and love that the fans continually show me. My teammates have taken care of me on and off the field this whole time, so I thank them for that, too.” 

 

The interviewer spoke into the microphone. “Amazing words of good sportsmanship from Luhan! Congrats to the South Korean team on another victory and we wish them luck in future matches!” 

 

Luhan thanked the interviewer before turning away to wave to the crowd. He then went to his team’s bench to change out of his cleats and into slides. He put on his warm-up jacket, stuffed his warm-up pants into his duffel bag, and grabbed his water bottle. 

 

Then he made his way to the crowd. 

 

_ This is it  _ — Sehun thought. 

 

The fans cheered louder as Luhan approached them with a smile. 

 

Only Sehun did not cheer. 

 

He just couldn’t. 

 

He froze up. 

 

He could hear his heart beating in his ears now, because Luhan was only two people away from him. To Sehun, this was more than being starstruck. This entire time, he was alone in reminiscing memories made for two people, but since he was the only one, it became a burden. He was staring at the person who would be the one to determine whether Sehun was in love with said person or the memory of him. 

 

Luhan finally reached Sehun and smiled at him. 

 

He took the ball Sehun was holding, and still smiling brightly, he asked, “Hi, what’s your name?”

 

“Sehun,” the younger answered. 

 

He searched Luhan’s face for any sign of recognition, but saw none. Luhan quickly scribbled his autograph on the ball and a small message for Sehun, before handing it back to him and moving onto the next person. 

 

Sehun should have moved out of the way so that more people could get even just a little glimpse of Luhan, but all he could do was just stand still. He couldn’t even dare to move and pick up the pieces of his shattered heart on the ground. 

 

After signing a few more, Luhan backed away from the crowd and waved. “Thanks, guys! Please continue showing your support!” 

 

He turned to Minseok, who was waiting for him, and they disappeared into the corridor that led to the locker rooms. 

 

After a few moments, the crowd dispersed and the stadium was mostly empty, but Sehun couldn’t find it in himself to move. 

 

Expecting Luhan to remember him from this one encounter was ridiculous, but it was the only chance Sehun had. He wouldn’t dare approach the older when everyone was so against them seeing each other. Luhan had to come to him on his own, and this was Sehun’s only opportunity to get close enough to him. 

 

_ Luhan… didn’t recognize me…  _ — Sehun grieved.  _ He doesn’t remember me at all. _

 

_ It’s over.  _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Minseok?” 

 

“Hm?” 

 

“There was this one person in the crowd… when I went over to sign autographs… he seemed a little familiar,” Luhan told him unsurely. They just finished washing up in the locker room, and they were walking down the corridor to the exit.  

 

“You don’t know who it was?” 

 

“I feel like I do, but at the same time, I couldn’t recall ever meeting him,” Luhan explained and stopped walking. “There’s something about his face that makes me not want to forget…” 

 

“Hmm…” Minseok thought a little. “Did he tell you his name?”

 

“Yeah, he did. Sehun,” Luhan answered, the name rolling off of his tongue effortlessly. “This is going to sound stupid, but it sounds  _ right _ when I call out his name. Do you know if I knew a Sehun before I lost my memory?” 

 

“Ah, uh… he was just the maknae of our friend group before…” the older said cautiously. 

 

_ Maknae…?  _

  
  


_ "Sehun, what does ‘Maknae’ mean?" _

 

_ "Wow, hyung, you mean all these years you didn't understand what the others called me?! You at least know hyung means older brother, right?"  _

 

_ "Of course I knew that, Minseok told me that like a year ago!! But I don't know, I prefer calling you Sehun, so I never got around to asking what it meant..."  _

 

_ "Ah, okay! Just keep calling me Sehun then! Since you're special, I'll let you do just that! But the other calls me maknae because I'm the youngest in the group." _

 

_ "Ohh. Yeah, now every time I hear the word ‘Maknae’, I will make sure to think of Sehun automatically. But I still like calling you by your name a lot better.” _

  
  


_ "Oh Sehun, are you saying—" _

 

_ "I'm saying I like you too, and I guess I want to be with you.” _

  
  


_ “I love you, Sehun, but I have to go. And if you really loved me, too, you would let me leave.”  _

 

_ “You… you’re leaving me.” _

 

_ “Goodbye, Sehun.”  _

  
  


“I… I loved him…”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Minseok…” 

 

“Yes? Is something the matter?” 

 

“I have to go,” Luhan panted. “I have to find him.” 

 

“What? Luhan?” 

 

Luhan already dropped his duffel bag and sprinted out of the corridor and back into the stadium. His eyes wildly searched the empty stadium in all of its entirety, when his sight landed on one person who was still left. 

 

Sehun was sitting on a seat near the area where Luhan just signed a number of fans’ autographs. He was clutching onto his soccer ball tightly, staring off into space. It seemed as if nothing in the world could drag him out of his trance, because he looked so  _ broken. _

 

“Sehun,” Luhan called out. “Sehun!” 

 

Awareness flickered in the younger’s eyes as he slowly looked up. Luhan ran over to where Sehun was seated. Even though the barrier was separating them, he was glad to be so close to him again. 

 

“Sehun…” 

 

“Luhan…?” 

 

Luhan smiled. Sehun was addressing him as if they were best friends, lovers, just like before; not as if he was a professional soccer player who he had just met. 

 

“You made me sign the ball I bought for you,” he pouted. “Why would you let me mark it up like that? Maybe I should just get you a new one.” 

 

Realization spread across Sehun’s face when he processed Luhan’s words. There’s no way he could be dreaming this. Luhan was right in front of him at that very moment.

 

“You… you remember?” 

 

Luhan smiled and nodded, tears starting to fill his eyes.

 

“Yes.” 

 

 

“Coach Oh!!”

 

“Yes, Sicheng!” 

 

“Am I kicking the ball correctly?” 

 

“Show me how you do it,” Sehun replied, as he walked over to his pupil. 

 

The boy passed the ball right to another kid, but Sehun tutted. “Sicheng, you should be kicking with the side of your foot. If you’re kicking the ball with the front of your foot with pointed toes, you might as well quit soccer and join ballet.” 

 

“Oi, aren’t you being a little harsh?” a voice interrupted him. 

 

Sicheng turned his head to see who it was. “Mr. Luhan!!” the little boy exclaimed, and the whole team flocked to the newcomer. 

 

“Hey guys, how’ve you been doing?” Luhan bent down on his knees and greeted them. 

 

All the kids flooded him with excited shouts and complaints about how mean their coach was being. Sehun, who remained standing, scoffed and crossed his arms across his chest. Luhan let out a hearty laugh before he stood up and told them to continue practicing. 

 

“Pft, I knew I shouldn’t have told you where I held practice. I should have known you would flaunt your status as a professional soccer player to these innocent kids,” Sehun jabbed.

 

Luhan looked scandalized. “What do you mean? I’m here to inspire them to work harder so that they can play as great as I can one day. What’s so wrong about that?” 

 

At first, Sehun pouted and Luhan thought he was in trouble, but then the younger smiled. “You’re so cocky. Your head is going to get too big from that inflated ego of yours.” 

 

Luhan laughed and then looked lovingly at his husband. 

 

“What are you looking at? Is there something on my face?” Sehun teased. 

 

Luhan covered Sehun’s face with one of his hands and pushed it away, causing Sehun to stumble backwards. 

 

“Hey, that wasn’t very nice!” 

 

“You’re not nice to these kids!” Luhan retorted back. “Maybe I’ll quit the team and take over your position as head coach.” 

 

Sehun gasped. “I was going to ask you what you wanted for dinner tonight, but now I’m just going to cook a dish that you don’t like. Also, Minho-hyung would be so disappointed in you.”

 

Luhan shrugged. “I can live with that. Even though you’ll become assistant coach, you’ll get to spend more time with me,” he said, smirking. He suddenly pulled Sehun into a hug, which surprised the younger. 

 

“Spend more time with you? I get enough of you already,” Sehun joked.  

 

Luhan pulled away a little, just enough to be able to look at Sehun’s face. “I can’t get enough of you. I want to make more memories with you — memories that the both of us can carry along, instead of you having to bear them alone again.” 

 

Sehun gave him a small peck on his forehead, then smiled. “It’s fine if I’m the only one who will remember. As long as those memories are made together, because the best thing about memories… is making them with you.” 

 

The two of them completely forgot about the kids who stopped pretending to practice and were now watching their cliché fluff session.

 

**Author's Note:**

> that was fuCKING CHEESE ugh i’m never writing fluff again, should’ve just stuck with the angst ending, then I wouldn’t have to cringe at writing that last part ugh /shudders
> 
> I heard China and South Korea both suck at soccer (i don’t even know if that’s true haha), so I apologize for all the inaccuracies in this fic LMAO i’m more of a tennis fan, not a soccer fan whoops ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ (i was literally going to name the chapters “game”, “set”, and “match” /facepalm)


End file.
